Fire

آری، آری ، زندگی زیباست زندگی آتشگهی دیرنده پا برجاست گر بیفروزیش، رقص شعله اش در هر کران پیداست ورنه، خاموش است وخاموشی گناه ماست سیاوش کسرایی / / / / / Life is like fire, can burns forever. If we turn it on we can see flame dances from far away, other wise its dark and thats our fault.

Almost last year, when I was walking on that beautiful green hill, I got to the point, that love can't be exist between two people who wants to live or spend lots of time together. spending time together and having a close relationship would cause expectation. and I sued to believe expectation from your partner would destroy the love. casuse people can't usually fill up each others expectation.


Last night I've got another perspective, through my experiance from last year, and thinking about some webolg I read. I thought Love is not about not wanting any thing, and not expecting any thing in return from your partner. Love is when you do some thing for ur partner, when it does not benefits you, and you do it only beacuse it may makes your partner happy. Its about doing some thing, that you usually don't do, just beacuse your partner wants and expect it, and doing it with kindness and satisfaction. not just for the sake of stopping your partner from nagging, or for the sake of getting some thing in return, sextually or economically. This willingness to satisfy your partners needs and expectations- just for the sake of ur partner's wish- would be proportional to your pure love.

I got to the point that love between two partner, is not about sacrifising your self, and want nothing in return and ignoring all your expectation under shadow of what you call it "love". But its about underestaning and respecting your own and your partner's expectations, finding a common ground and trying to fullfill those expectation.

Today:
We went to see a house which was for sale, the house was furnish, and was so beautiful, I totally fell in love with that house, becasue of beauty and the culture and design. but I think what made me so crazy for that house was I found a small box of "khatam" over there. after that discovery I was so eager to see if I can find some more iranian things over there, and I found another "Khatam" box, I opened it ( bache fozool, but u would have done the same thing too!) and I found 500, 1000, 2000, and 10000 Rial bills ( eskenas) i was so shocked and excited. being honest I so wanted to " kesh beram " one of those bills. There was more than one of each bill in the box and I jsut have eskenase 500 riali and 10000 riali. and I was thinking those bills means much more too me than to her.
I asked my dad about it, and he said " mage to dozdi?"
and " ma ham bekhial shodim"!!!!
I also found a booklet about Iran (which was new) and a big painting and some "parche ghalamkar" which made me so excited. I checked their family name and i became sure that they weren't Iranian.

ITs usual to see ppl from diffrent background are designing thier home with their own art, or heritage. or ppl who are usuing Indian arts as fasion.

even us, as iranian ( ba in hame edeaye farhango tamadon, bekhosoos age masaleye mod nabasheee) we don't usually use design from any other culture.

The house, the way the ppl in the house lived, and the whole respect that they had for another culture was so heart warming and exciting that i could have hear my heart goes bang bang boom!
I think I might write a letter to the owner and tell her how excited and happy I became.

p.s. tahghighate be amal oomadeh, chenan bood ke tooy oon khoone ye khanoom zendegi mekard ba pesaresh, harchadn pesaresh alan ye shahre dige mashghoole karee. ama medoonind pesar be in megan, kharejaki, asheghe farhang va honare iran, cheshme sabz! whole package! ;) (p.s' daria joonam: taze daneshgahe khoob ham graduate shodeh bood, koliham ahle ketabo honaro in chiza bood) [hame inha az rooy daro divar maloom boood, vagarne na pesare oonja bood na mamanesh]
;) ;)



Yesterday:
Yesterday; me , sss, two of his firends and a girl (g) who is a family firend we went to a club. The club is a big and famouse. and we had to drive 2.5 hours to get there. The club was after hours and we get there at 1:30am and we were supposed to be there till 8am. Me, sss and g had couple of shuts at home. In the car I was thinking of my memories during the last couples of month, and seems like I have some allergy to some worlds and memories, ( same way that when u have alergy u will start crying but, u r not sad or upset or angry, its just alergy) But sss was so kind, trying to calm me down, and talk me through it. whih was very sweet.
any ways before we go to the club, we tried some more drinks, but when we were waiting to get to the VIP ( mayeem dige! ;) ), "g" got so drunk she couldn't stand up straight, and she was loughting and loughting all the time as a result of being drunk. Although sss ask her to just stand up for 5 min to get in, she couldn't make it and the bouncer didn't let her in. sss decided to stay with g, till she felt better and although sss insisting me to go in, I didn't. I knew I wouldn't have fun without him. anyways we stayed in the car the whole night. g was sick, and while I was grossed and beganing to become sick from g's vomiting (I haven't seen a real drunk person in that level beore ) sss was helping her and worring for her hair not to get dirty. He took out his neckless to use it as a hair band fot her. He was cleaning her mouth with napkins and giving her water. While I was listening to the loud music that was coming from the club and thinking how the night ended up to be, sss was smiling ( honest to god smiling) and saying all this vomiting is good for her stomack, she will be feeling much better soon.

When I was a kid I used to think one of the greatest sacrifise that parent do, is to clean after their kids and help them, when the kids are sick in the stomack.



p.s 1: When g wake up in the morning, she couldn't remember any thing that happened the night before, and was asking us how comes she slept in the car insted of being in the club. Sss knew that she wouldn't recall any single that he done.
p.s 2: sss doesn't have any specific feeling for g. he would have probably done the same thing if g was a boy. well if g was a guy, we would have done some thing funny to him too ;)

p.s 3. Sss made me to try a new brand of coke. which i didn't find it tasteful or useful.




Yekam tahvil giri!!!!!!

The part below has nothing to do with whats going on right now in Iran.

man vaghti khili javoon boodam, asheghe in boodam ke maroof besham, eshghe ghodrat ham dashtam, (yadame emam ye harfiee dasht megoft ma sarbazane melatim( are?) na teshnegane ghodrat, va man ba khodam megoftam ma tehsnegane ghodratim)

esghe siasat ham dasham, fekr mekardam ke zendan raftan ham ye sharte asasie baraye ye zendegi por mohtava dashtan.

baraye hamin fekr mekonam ehtemale inke ye khabarnegar ya roozname negar meshodam shayd khili boood..... ( hala shayadam roozname negare siasi na, hamoonjoori ke manteghe dorane dabirestanam, az in kara bar hazaram medasht, ama shayd ye joor roozname negari meshodim digee)

behar hal, man roozname negar nistam, ama
roozname negaran ra doost daram. va ya dooste roozname negar daram.

be yade yek jomleye maroof:
bavar nakonid har chizi ke mebinid, Believe me not!




p.s hala hey begin benvis!

When I was talking about some issues with Lida Jan at the end of conversation, her final advice to all my wondering was: "bozorg meshi, mefahmi, raheto peida mekoni" which I think it make sence, so there was no more reason to publish this post which I wrote couple of weeks ago.
but just as a promiss to a firend:




u r a nice person ( well every body think they r! ;) )
and there is some one who bothers and backbites [ ;) ] you.
How will you react?

Imagine, you ignore that person, wishing it would stop the vicious act. But nothing would change, and they take advantage of you being nice and sweet.

when you will draw the line? and say:
"hey back off. Thats enough"

Or do you even have a line? Or you beleive regardless what ever happen, you should be nice and sweet? and not argue/challenge people who you know they behave devilish?



Az belives; the same way one treat others, he/she should expect to be treated. If some one respect others, he/she should expect to be treated with respect and dignity. and thats the line. If pepole don't respect you the same way, you should make them to do so. even if it needs fighting back.
( kee bood megoft hagh dadani nistm gereftaniee?)

But would that always work?
If some one hits you, will you hit him back? will you waite till they hit you 3rd times, then you hit them back? 4th times? ....? will you bring "the other side of your face" for them to hit? or you just try to ignore them and keep smiling, (thinking you are a bigger man than they are) and they might stop or they might countinue hitting you as much as they can.

poste nooshi khili negaranam kard.
Omidvaram bekheir bashee.

man behesh megoftam, age natooni asheghe ye adam bashi, chetoury metooni asheghe khoda va hameye hastio kaenat bashi?

oon megoft age bekhay asheghe ye adam bashi, nemitooni asheghe khodao hameye hastio kaenat beshi.

va hich kee natoonest oon yeki ro moteghaed kone...

Not sure how much this is close to what I wanted to say, still i will publish it...

Before when Az was her problems in life, I wouldn't understand it. Mostly all her problem was about ppl around her was not
I used to belive, what you can call a problem in life or what you are allowed to complain about, should be only if you or a close relative has a disease that can not be cure, or if u r dying from starvation or u donot have a place to live. Or some thing global; like if you are working for humanity, freedom, trying to educate others to underestand their right, to stand up for their rights......


In other cases; one would be in group of " morafahane bedard", and your complains, and all yoiur "ya's-e falsafi" is not valid. All those would have been consider as people who "khooshi zade zire deleshoon". [The last one was what I used to hear all the time, when I was feeling down]

The same way in the marriage, when ur partner and u or/and ur kids are healthy, and ur familly have some thing to eat, and place to sleep. as long as u guys are not addicted to some thing, or u are not beating each other and calling names. then you are lucky. cuz there are lots of ppl who don't even have that.

On sunday for the first time, i understand what Az was saying, I felt it.
We as a human are such a funny beings, some times all it takes to make one happy is just a look, a little bit of Showing attention, and a little bit of showing that we care for each other.

a kid in Africa, who hasn't eat any thing today, if u get his/her hand and look at his/her eyes and smile, would smile back. The same would be for any celebrity kid.
The same would be for ur partner, reltive, roomate, boss and even ur self.


some how, that look is like a sun, that would brighten and warm up ur heart. not giving or reciving that look, can make ur heart froze.

"You're frozen
When your heart's not open"

madonna

If some one close to you, does not respect you or love you as much,
Does not mean u r not a respectful or loveble person.

A child dies every three seconds as a result of extreme poverty.Poverty is not inevitable. If we have the will to act — we can Make Poverty History.



Tears are not enough:

As every day goes by
How can we close our eyes
Until we open up our hearts

We can learn to share
And show how much we care
Right from the moment that we start

Seems like overnight
We see the world in a different light
Somehow our innocence is lost

How can we look away
’cause every single day
We’ve got to help at any cost

We can bridge the distance
Only we can make the difference
Don’t ya know that tears are not enough

If we can pull together
We could change the world forever
Heaven knows that tears are not enough

It’s up to me and you
To make the dream come true
It’s time to take our message everywhere

C’est l’amour qui nous rassemble
D’ici ? l’autre bout du monde
Let’s show them "we" still cares
You know that we’ll be there

If we should try together you and i
Maybe we could understand the reasons why
If we take a stand every woman, child and man
We can make it work for god’s sake lend a hand

Words and music by adams, vallance, foster and paiementPerformed by northern lights for the usa for africa album (1985)



There is no time to lose. On 6 July the G8 - leaders of the world's eight wealthiest and most powerful countries - will meet in Scotland.
It is vital that the G8 leaders commit to 100% debt cancellation, more and better aid and trade justice.
Right now across the world people are e-mailing G8 leaders to tell them to seize the opportunities of 2005.
I've heard that 10.6 Million people by now sign this pettition. If you like to join these people check out and sign the pettition.
If you are living in G8 countries (Group 8) you might also be able to sign a pettition to your president/prime minester and make a one extra step.


Call it Democracy:

Padded with power here they come
international loan sharks backed by the guns
of market hungry military profiteers
whose word is a swamp and whose brow is smeared
with the blood of the poor

Who rob life of its quality
who render rage a necessity
by turning countries into labour camps
modern slavers in drag as champions of freedom

Sinister cynical instrument
who makes the gun into a sacrament --
the only response to the deification
of tyranny by so-called "developed" nations'
idolatry of ideology

North south east west
kill the best and buy the rest
it's just spend a buck to make a buck
you don't really give a flying fuck
about the people in misery

IMF dirty MF
takes away everything it can get
always making certain that there's one thing left
keep them on the hook with insupportable debt

See the paid-off local bottom feeders
passing themselves off as leaders
kiss the ladies shake hands with the fellows
open for business like a cheap bordello

And they call it democracy
and they call it democracy
and they call it democracy
and they call it democracy

See the loaded eyes of the children too
trying to make the best of it the way kids do
one day you're going to rise from your habitual feast
to find yourself staring down the throat of the beast
they call the revolution

IMF dirty MF
takes away everything it can get
always making certain that there's one thing left
keep them on the hook with insupportable debt


by Bruce Cockburn, written Nov. 1985


July 03, 2005
يكشنبه, 12 تير 1384

Both songs were played in today's concert in Barrie.





بشکن بزنید و اشک بریزید.


می‌گویند ما پول شما را نمی‌خواهیم. فقط باشید، تا در هر ۳ ثانیه، به اندازه‌ی یک بشکن زدن، یک کودک در افریقا و کشورهای فقرزده از گرسنگی، بیماری، ایدز و ... نمیرد.
اینجا را کلیک کنید و تنها نام و نام کشورتان را بنویسید.
الان در لندن، پاریس، مسکو، فیلادلفیا، برلین، انتاریو و... ۵ ساعت است که کنسرت‌هایی به نفع این برنامه در حال اجراست و مردم زیادی با دیدن مستندهایی از مرگ کودکان اشک به چشم‌هایشان می‌آید. ما هم مردمانیم.

sepinood

1- last night I had a dream about "Raf" one of the presidency candidate.!
In my dream i had a conversation with him and it was going well, untill we get into a fight, and i couldn't control my self, and i got so agressive. I thik at the end of my "dream" after couple of runing away, we get inot a physical fight, I can't remember exactly if he killed me with knife or I killed him, any ways it was such aclose fight!

p.s bache eshgeh siasat ro mebinid!???


2- I wanted to wellcome a good firend of mine, who finally found my weblog and start reading it. good job man! But I think I should have wrote this before, when he was checking it!!!!!!!

3- Seems there was lots of flood in Europe and mostly germany. So "doostane aziz omidvaram ab nabordeh bashetetoon"

4- I'm getting so freeking Stoic, completely no feeling. not so much fun though!!! I hope I get over it. No excitement....

5- I remember when i was in high school, a firend of mine " dandoone aghlesh dasht dar mioomad, va koli dard dasht, va chand rooz madrese naraft. man hey montaer boodam ke in dandoone aghlemoon dar biado chand rooz madrese narim, bad az 1000 sal aroom aroom dare darmiad. dige nemishe be onvane rahe hal baraye madrese naraftan azash estefadeh kard. ba inhal bazi vaghta khili dard mekone, (Although I don't feek any thing now, maybe its beacuse of scotches) ama tasmim daram ba elghahaye + va mehro mohebat beehsh daan bebinam metoonam dardesho saket konam, ya laaghal faraoosh konam ya na? be har hal age fekr haye manfi ye nafar betoone tooy vakonesh ha va ertebathaye oon asare besyar manfi va mokhareb bezare!!! pas talghine + laaghal bayd betoone ye dardo az yad bebare....

6- I'm gone wrote about my last post and also write about couple of true stories that I've heard and moved me, probably later on....

7- till then....

8- Daria joonam, take care, miss u, cheers. have fun on long weekend even with out me ( mamanam ina)


p.s masti ham khoob chiziee, hesesh mesle high boodane oon shabe, vaghti care nemikoni mardom rajebet che fekr nemikonnad.
vaghti sertegh mesham az khoodam khoosham meiad! :)

p.s 2:
To d: avayel fekr mekardam man ye neshoone-am barat. shayadam barax booode. laghal be oon harfhayee ke to beheshoon eteghad dashti, man saresh vaistadam. albateh ghabl az inke stoic besham va hame feeling ham tah bekeshe-. shyadam to ye neshoone booodi baraye man be ye doniyaee digee, doniayee ke vojoodesho enkar mekardam.
didi che joori estakhr ro por mekonand ke omghesh dige maloom nemishe?
nemikham bezaram dariayee ke be hezar zahmat khak bardari kardan, va omghesh va vosatesh maloom shode, dobare napadid beshe.
vaghean nemikham napadid beshe, be hezar zahmat omghesho kashf kardam.

p.s. akharin bar ke mast boodam, yadete chegahdr az dsatet hers khoordam? be ghoole yeki az bacheha megoft: rabete injoori ya passionet meshe ya kar nemikone, i went through both

p.s. bayad ye karkhoone tolide ehsas bezanam, agahi tejari: be yek boldozer baray khakbardari ehtiaj darim, boldozer bayad zeere ab ham betoone bere, dar asare barkhoord ba kooooseh, ham az bein nare, zang ham nazane, boldozere tarikh masraf gozashteh bedard nemikhoore. har kasi ke sabegeh boldozer rani dar daria dare email bede!

rasti khooshgelam, asbab keshi kardi? mashin kharidi? mekhari? ba chizaye man chikar mekoni? age khasati bedish be farnaz, its ok. khasti ham berizish door its ok. kartham heife ama, koli zahmat keshidam barashoon. navarhat chee? I'm sure u r over big time. neveshtehhaye 20th ro didam.
ba inhal hanooz sare harfe ghabilm hastam, tarjih medam stoic nabasham, tarjih medam adamha ro "robotic" negah nakonam, ke tooy stage haye mokhtalefe zendegishoon giran. zendegie gheire stoici khili ghshangtare, vaghti adam ba delo joon sarmaye mezareee. :) laaghal shirinish ro hes mekoni hata age saryamat az bein bere.

shebeh masti ham khoob chiziee


chakerim darbast, azizam :)



p.s. I think its effect of a movie (sinful temptation) but regardless. age bekhan daretoon bezanan dar 24 saate ayandeh, how do u feel about life?